Friday, November 10, 2017

Why don't they like me?

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13

REJECTION. Something NOBODY likes to deal with. But unfortunately it happens. Especially in romantic relationships. Yes, I have a successful marriage of over 16 years, but before Lucas, I experienced many rejections. I also rejected many men.

I know it hurts. And you ask, What did I do wrong? The answer is, maybe nothing, or maybe something. Usually if you truly did something wrong, the other person will let you know. However, many people are walking around with unhealed hurts, strongholds and most already have a mate list in their head. (Which is one of the many reasons I encourage people to write out a mate list so they can bring clarity to what/why they want!) If you don't match their list in their heart, usually that causes problems.

Sometimes rejection of a romantic interest comes because of timing, the other person isn't ready. Or you are not ready.

Where is God in all this? Why didn't He answer my prayers for this person to change and love me? I rolled that question around several times when I had a marriage dissolve in my early twenties. Now, looking back about twenty years later, it is pretty obvious why the marriage didn't work. And God was definitely not to blame. However it is hard to see when you feel your prayers are not being answered and God is taking things in a totally different direction against your will!

However, keep the faith. Keep moving on. There is someone for you! Spend time in the presence of God today, lifting up your hurt and pain. Ask the Holy Spirit to heal those wounds in your soul. Get a supernatural healing from the Lord, so you can be healed. Pray asking the Lord Jesus Christ to bind up your heart where it has been broken:

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Sometimes you have to let go. Truly let go of a relationship so that God can move you to where you belong.

If you have not read my book Where's My Mate? along with the Bible study Want to Find Your Mate? please do so. I also have a devotional called Preparing for a Mate. I promise these tools will lead you through healing so you can have a happy marriage to the person God has for you!

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Marie's Story

Marie's Story about how God brought her Louis:

I received Jesus Christ when I was 19 years old, and believed I would be married in God's timing.  I realized in my 30's when I still wasn't married, that something was really wrong.
I kept meeting men I did not find worthy of marriage.  I tried online dating, reading books, and researching online about how to get married.  One of my friends read Bethany Scanlon's book, Where's My Mate?,  and recommended I read it.  

 Where's My Mate? made it clear that Satan hates marriage, and he tries to prevent us from meeting a mate and getting married.  I met Bethany Scanlon and attended about seven of her Want To Find Your Mate? Bible Study that she taught in person.  Another famous author I respect, said "The problem with America is renegade males", and I have to agree.  Many so called "Christian" men would still try to have sex with me outside of marriage.  I tried about twenty different dating services, online and expensive search services.  I went to every Christian singles service or party I could at many churches all over Houston, Texas where I live.  I found there were far fewer single men attending church than women.  I researched what men like, what they want in a wife, and really did my best to look pretty every time I went out.  

I attended a Christian ministry event once a month where I met a nice man named Louis, who I would say hello too and chat with at the event.  In December of 2015, we both attended the ministry's Christmas party, and and he sat next to me at the event.  Afterwards, I asked him to join me at a local restaurant to have dessert, and he accepted.  We started seeing each other frequently, and he soon told me he had a crush on me, and I told him I had a crush on him also.  On Valentine's Day we attended Bethany Scanlon's  Want To Find Your Mate? Bible Study and the topic she taught on was sexual purity. I know many men want sex outside wedlock, but the Bible says to wait until marriage. I wanted to make sure Louis knew clearly what the Bible said, and that he would agree to wait.  We went to dinner that evening and I still felt some pressure from him to do more than kissing.  Louis' home church was teaching a series on dating, and they were  discussing sexual purity, so I asked him to attend the class and he did.  I was kind but firm about waiting and I would constantly say, "if you like it put a ring on it".  I would pray in tongues often and bind Satan off our relationship.  He proposed in May 2016, and we got married in October.  

I always dressed my best, was kind but firm with him, but I did not tell him I was waiting until marriage until about 6 weeks after we started dating. I did not like to tell a man I was "waiting until marriage" on our first date, (or the 2nd or 3rd)  I was just firm in my convictions and did not let a man pressure me.  I had read several pre - marital  books so I knew to ask Louis a lot of questions.  I learned sometimes it takes a bit of time for a man to fall in love, so I tried to be light hearted, kind and easy to get along with.  He is a handsome, Spirit filled, Christian man who is financially wise, and a great provider. Those were my requirements for a mate.  I am very blessed and thankful.  It was a spiritual battle receiving a Godly mate, and getting married.  I appreciate Bethany's encouragement and prayers.  She and her husband Lucas prayed over me and were so kind and helpful!

Monday, August 29, 2016

But I had a "Word" they were my mate!

It is very common with Christians to believe they have heard from God concerning someone being their mate. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are wrong.

What if you are wrong? Don't feel bad. Happens to plenty of Christians. It may have been your emotions, may have been a genuine demonic deception or just spiritual immaturity. If you have been wrong, spend time with the Lord and ask His Holy Spirit to heal you. Then move on! 

What if you are right? Doesn't mean it will automatically work out. I have seen this plenty of times. The problem is, you AND the other person have to agree with the Holy Spirit that you are called to marry each other. Because God gave us free will, the other person may refuse to agree. Why? Usually they have someone else in mind. Or they have unhealed hurts that they have not allowed God to heal. 

Let's say you are a 35 year old female who wants children and doesn't have any. You have had a "word" about someone for two years but that person either has no interest or hasn't married you. Would it be wisdom to wait another three years? Not if you want children. Cut your ties, and believe God to send you a Christian man who wants children and will commit.

What if you are older man and you believe you have a "word" for a woman, but she has told you she is not interested (more than once). You hang on for a couple of years believing God to change her heart, but she still is not interested. I suggest you move on. Why should you waste any more time on someone who isn't interested? God does not hold you responsible for someone else's disobedience.

If you read Where's My Mate? The Lord spoke to me about Lucas 11 months before he proposed, and we were married 3 months after that. It wasn't easy, there was spiritual warfare, and unsolicited advice from friends/family we had to overcome/ignore, but ultimately we fell in love with one another and moved forward.

When the Lord spoke to me about Lucas, I prayed the following scripture asking God to confirm His word in the mouth of two or three witnesses. He answered the prayer! (testimony about this in Where's My Mate?)

This will be the third time I am coming to you. “By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established." 2 Corinthians 13:1

I suggest you pray asking God to confirm His word about the person you believe you are to marry through the mouth of two or three witnesses!

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

What is Marriage?

If you have read my story in Where's My Mate?, you know that I have been through several bad relationships including divorce. However, when I married "God's Way" according to His word, I now have been happily and successfully married for over 14 years.

"Marriage" as defined by the world, is not marriage as defined by the Bible. There are no loopholes. Teaching and writing Bible Studies for single Christian's over the years has lead me to study what God' definition of marriage is, and is not.

If you want an unhappy, unsuccessful, unfruitful life, then you should view marriage as this:

"It's just a piece of paper"

"The law says we are married because we have been living together for over a year."

"The law says marriage can be two men together or two women together."

"We are married in our hearts, we don't need a piece of paper to show our love!"

"I know I am legally married to someone else, but I'm truly in love with _____ and who can stand between true love?"

The word "Marriage" originated from the Bible and God is the one who designed marriage. He gave Adam, Eve. So unless you are married the way God intended for you to be married,you WILL NOT have the full measure of God's blessing on your life. You will suffer one way or another in the relationship. 

Bethany, I want a marriage blessed by God! A marriage that will be happy and full of joy, bearing fruit of the Kingdom of God. What do I do?

First, God says you are to marry a believer. This means another Christian. A Christian is someone who believes Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior AND the only way to heaven:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

And you are not to marry any "believer", the Apostle Paul tells you what type of believer:

 I wrote you in my [previous] letter not to associate [closely and habitually] with unchaste (impure) people—Not [meaning of course that you must] altogether shun the immoral people of this world, or the greedy graspers and cheats and thieves or idolaters, since otherwise you would need to get out of the world and human society altogether! But now I write to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of [Christian] brother if he is known to be guilty of immorality or greed, or is an idolater [whose soul is devoted to any object that usurps the place of God], or is a person with a foul tongue [railing, abusing, reviling, slandering], or is a drunkard or a swindler or a robber. [No] you must not so much as eat with such a person.What [business] of mine is it and what right have I to judge outsiders? Is it not those inside [the church] upon whom you are to pass disciplinary judgment [passing censuring sentence on them as the facts require]? God alone sits in judgment on those who are outside. Drive out that wicked one from among you [expel him from your church]. 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 AMP

The Apostle Paul commands Christians to NOT associate with someone who calls themselves a Christian but is guilty of immorality (in the Greek text this is sexual sin), greedy, in idolatry  (praying to someone other than God), foul tongue (cussing, gossip, slander), drunkard, manipulator, liar or thief. Paul warns the Corinthian church to not even eat with someone like this. So if you are not to associate or even eat with someone who calls themselves a Christian and is in blatant sin, then you certainly do not marry them!

Second, you are to be joined together in COVENANT where there is a "leaving and cleaving". This is why in weddings the Pastor says "who gives this woman in marriage?" and takes you through marriage vows where you verbally and in front of witnesses make a COVENANT before God and man to "forsake all others" and "with this ring I do wed". Read what Jesus Christ said:
But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Mark 10:5-8

Jesus Christ said "a MAN leaves his father and mother and is joined to his WIFE."? Jesus Christ said marriage is between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN. I know in some countries the man made law says that marriage can be defined as being between two women or two men. However a union like that WILL NOT be blessed by God. Nor is it considered marriage in the eyes of God. God is subject to HIS word, not our ever changing legal system. The Apostle Paul calls homosexuality vile and sinful:

So God let them go ahead into every sort of sex sin, and do whatever they wanted to—yes, vile and sinful things with each other’s bodies.  Instead of believing what they knew was the truth about God, they deliberately chose to believe lies. So they prayed to the things God made, but wouldn’t obey the blessed God who made these things.That is why God let go of them and let them do all these evil things, so that even their women turned against God’s natural plan for them and indulged in sex sin with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sex relationships with women, burned with lust for each other, men doing shameful things with other men and, as a result, getting paid within their own souls with the penalty they so richly deserved. Romans 1:24-27
Third, you are to also obey the legal laws according to your land concerning marriage. Usually this involves obtaining some sort of legal document.  This is where you get the term "legally wed" from:
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. Romans 13:1

My husband and I were legally married in the "Sight of God and Man" on July 7, 2001.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

5 Reasons You Should Write a "Mate List"

Then the Lord replied: Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time;  it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it it will certainly come and will not delay. Habakkuk 2:2
Before I was a Christian, I would hang out in bars to get a man. My girlfriends and I would discuss why we would (or would not) date certain men who bought us drinks. We would verbally list positive and negative attributes. Unfortunately, during that period of my life, my standards weren't very high! I was in my late teens, very early twenties and was mainly concerned about what a man physically looked like. And, did he drive a nice car? True character qualities weren't really on my radar. Which consequently, my low standards led me to marry a very attractive, but alcoholic and illegal drug using man when I was 21. After a horrible divorce about two years later, I studied the bible on marriage. The bible is full of scriptures admonishing you on what type of person to (and not to) associate with. Jesus Christ often focused on character traits. My standards for a husband drastically changed!
Of course I still wanted someone I found physically attractive, so that was on my new, now written down, list. But this time, Godly characteristics were a top priority! I wanted someone who was already serving Christ and had good fruit! I also knew for an enjoyable marriage you needed to have some things in common. So those items were written down.
Everyone has a list! To say "I don't want to put God in a box" as an excuse to not have a written list, is fallacy. You are actually lying! If you didn't have a list, you would most likely already be married. But if you aren't, it is because you have an internal list that has not been matched! Or you did meet someone who matched, but you didn't match their list so it didn't work out.
1. You can honestly evaluate what you truly want in a spouse.
2. Have a point of reference when you date.
3. Easily know within a couple of dates whether or not you should continue dating someone. Saves time and emotional investment.
4. Protects you from a mismatch. Much easier to enjoy your marriage when you know you married the "person of your dreams."
5. Writing down attributes you want in a partner help identify where you may have fears or strongholds preventing you from marriage. If you still have "baggage" from a past relationship, you may write down attributes out of fear. Such as "man who will not berate me." Instead of "man who produces the fruit of kindness." This will allow you to recognize a wound, so you can seek God for healing.
Spend time before the throne of God asking Him to help you write your mate list. After all, he already knows who he is sending to you. You will simply be agreeing with his plan. I do recommend notating on this list what are "must have" and "would like to have" traits. Before you start writing, read the following scriptures out loud and then pray the following prayer:
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. Psalm 37:4AMP
Commit your works unto the Lord, and your thoughts shall be established. Proverbs 16:3 
Heavenly Father I come boldly before your throne in the name of Jesus Christ. Your word says that if I delight myself in you, then you will give me the desires of my heart. I chose to delight myself in you and I ask that you fill my heart now with the characteristics of the mate you have for me. I commit the work of writing down these characteristics to you and I ask you establish my thoughts in this area. Amen.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

How you can pray in a mate!

I remember being single and desperately praying to God, for a husband. I was relentless. Well meaning Christians rebuked me for “not being single and satisfied” or “not waiting on God’s timing.” If I had listened to them, I probably would not be married to Lucas, and Where’s My Mate? may never have been written. (If you have not read Where’s My Mate? then please read it. It is my testimony of how I prayed in a husband.) There is nowhere in God’s word where you are encouraged to sit around, passively waiting for deliverance. In fact, Jesus Christ demands you do not give up in prayer.

Read the next two sets of scriptures and write down how they personally speak to you 
concerning prayer:

 And going away from there, Jesus withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a woman who was a Canaanite from that district came out and, with a [loud, troublesomely urgent] cry, begged, Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is miserably and distressingly and cruelly possessed by a demon! But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, Send her away, for she is crying out after us. He answered, I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. But she came and, kneeling, worshiped Him and kept praying, Lord, help me! And He answered, It is not right (proper, becoming, or fair) to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs. She said, Yes, Lord, yet even the little pups (little whelps) eat the crumbs that fall from their [young] masters’ table. Then Jesus answered her, O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you wish. And her daughter was cured from that moment.  Matt 15: 21-28 AMP

One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people.  A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’  The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’ Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge.  Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?” Luke 18:1-9 NLT


I have heard this excuse concerning praying for a mate many times:

“God heard me the first time I prayed for a mate, I shouldn’t keep praying over and over for the same thing.”

If this is your excuse, you are absolutely wrong. You need to pray until you are engaged. Then after you are engaged, you need to pray all the way to the altar for God’s protection. The Apostle Paul was very clear we are fighting an unseen spiritual battle and we are to pray at all times in the Spirit, with ALL manner of prayer:

For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place].Stand therefore [hold your ground], having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and of moral rectitude and right standing with God,And having shod your feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace.Lift up over all the [covering] shield of saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked [one].And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the Word of God. Pray at all times (on every occasion, in every season) in the Spirit, with all [manner of] prayer and entreaty. Ephesians 6:12-16 AMP

If you are not “single and satisfied” it is because you are not supposed to be. If you are forcing your self to be fulfilled with status quo, then you are living a lie. You are not content because in your heart (where Jesus lives) you know you are to be married. So don’t give up. If it is truly not God’s timing for you to look for and meet your mate, then you will have a knowing, a peace, a supernatural satisfaction about being single.

Do you have a peace about being single, or is there a deep dissatisfaction in you concerning being single?  

If you answered yes, that you have peace, then keep praying for a mate, and ask the Holy Spirit to let you know when it is time for marriage.

If you answered no, then you remind God of his covenant with you concerning sending you a mate. You hound the throne room of God for an answer! Put a demand on heaven to tell you why you are not married yet AND what steps you need to take to receive your mate. The Canaanite woman did not take no for an answer when Jesus originally ignored her. She got the answer and her daughter was healed.

When I was praying for a mate, I believed for God to speak to me in such a way I would understand. For you to know how to receive a mate, you MUST ask God to speak to you. Sometimes it is illumination of His word. That means you are reading his word, or listening to a sermon and suddenly a portion of scripture is imparted into you in such a way you have faith for a certain promise. Another way is through a prophetic word. This could be through a friend, a sermon you hear or someone purposely operating with a prophetic anointing that is submitted to Jesus Christ. The most common way is a “knowing” in your heart. You MUST believe God to give you instruction concerning finding and receiving a mate. Once you receive your instruction, then you now have a COVENANT. If you have read Where’s My Mate? you know I received instruction from the Lord every step of the way. I reminded God of his covenant with me and received a mate. Is this always easy to do? Nope. It can take time, patience and endurance. But if you want to get married bad enough you will stop expecting other people or God to do all the work for you. A common mistake I see with singles is that they pray once or twice, maybe even attend my bible study, but fail to do the work. The bible says in Ephesians:

 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,according to the power that works within usEphesians 3:20 NASB

That power is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit enables us, prompts us, encourages us, but ultimately we do the work. Make a commitment to spend time with God asking and believing him to give you specific instruction every step of the way concerning YOUR part for receiving the mate he has for you. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

My Involvement with a MARRIED man!

Proverbs 13:15: Good understanding gives favor: but the way of transgressors is hard.

When I was about 19 years old, I took a job waiting tables at a 50's themed club in Destin, Florida.  I was a TERRIBLE waitress and the job didn't last very long...

But that isn't the moral of this story!

Since the club had a 50's theme along with a cover band that played that era's music, it attracted a senior crowd. A crowd Floridians called "Snowbirds." The night I met Chris, he was at the club with a few of his male friends.  I was their waitress and we flirted since he was young and cute! They didn't feel comfortable in that crowd and wanted to "go out" to bars with a younger crowd. I went with them and invited my roommate Jessica to come with!

On our first date, I asked him a direct question. "Are you married?" And he said "No, I'm only 25 years old!" Then I asked if he had any children. He answered no. (Even though he wasn't wearing a ring, I always asked because married men had tried to date me before.) Satisfied with his response, we dated. But not for long! He and his friends were on a golf trip and were only in Destin for the week. They were headed home for Georgia and we only had a few days together. When he left, we continued to talk on the phone and we made plans for him to come to Destin for Thanksgiving. One night, while partying with some friends after taking a drug called "Ecstasy" I called Chris and asked him to drive down from Georgia immediately. He was drunk when I called and decided coming to see me was indeed a great idea. On his way, his truck hit a tree and he flew out the windshield. Several hours later after I had "come down from my roll" (the ecstasy had worn off) I received a call from his friend Brian. After Brian told me what happened I took the next Grayline bus to Georgia. When I walked into Chris' hospital room, his face was bloated, stitched and bandaged. His bones had broken in multiple places. As I stood holding his hand feeling terrible for what I did, his mom walked into the room and said. "Chris, your wife and child are on their way."

I looked at Chris. "You said you weren't married!" 

He responded. "I don't want to deal with this right now."

His mother asked me. "Is there a hotel I can take you to?

I responded yes and followed her to the car. She had me sit in the back next to a child's car seat and let me know this was Chris' other car. While she was driving I said. "I didn't know he was married!" She responded by saying "Boys will be boys." She went on to tell me that this was his second marriage and they had the baby about a month ago. When she dropped me off at the hotel, she said she would pick me up in the morning to see Chris. I agreed but I knew that wasn't happening!I remember sitting on the bed of that hotel room devastated. I was so hurt and felt incredibly betrayed. Why was it so hard to find someone to love, and who would love me?  I spent the night in the hotel and then took the first bus back to Florida the next morning. When I arrived home, I immediately changed my phone number so Chris could never contact me. I never saw Chris again. Even though I wasn't a Christian yet, I did not date (knowingly) married men. 

My dad cheated on my mom, and it produced horrible repercussions including divorce and a bitter mom who every time she looked at me saw the man who hurt her. And she let me know all through my childhood how much I looked like my adulterous dad and how much she hated him. She would also look at me and tell me when I was a small child how much she hated me because my dad never paid child support after he ran off. Adultery damages your marriage, your children and those around you. It is selfish and self centered. Instead of relying on God and taking your pain to Him, you destroy your life.

Those who date a married person, no matter what the reason, are considered just as guilty. Here's what the bible says about getting involved with a married person:

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

When Abraham lied to the King of Gerer about Sarah being his wife, the King took Sarah into his harem. However, God's judgement came upon the King because Sarah was married. When the King found out Sarah was married, he immediately gave her back to Abraham to escape God's judgement:

Genesis 20:1-10 AMP
Now Abraham journeyed from there toward the South country (the Negeb) and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur; and he lived temporarily in Gerar.And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister. And Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah [into his harem].But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said, Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken [as your own], for she is a man’s wife. But Abimelech had not come near her, so he said, Lord, will you slay a people who are just and innocent?  Did not the man tell me, She is my sister? And she herself said, He is my brother. In integrity of heart and innocency of hands I have done this.Then God said to him in the dream, Yes, I know you did this in the integrity of your heart, for it was I Who kept you back and spared you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not give you occasion to touch her.So now restore to the man his wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not restore her [to him], know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.So Abimelech rose early in the morning and called all his servants and told them all these things; and the men were exceedingly filled with reverence and fear.Then Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, What have you done to us? And how have I offended you that you have brought on me and my kingdom a great sin? You have done to me what ought not to be done [to anyone].And Abimelech said to Abraham, What did you see [in us] that [justified] you in doing such a thing as this?

If you are dating someone who is married, stop. "Officially separated" is still married. If a spouse is "officially separated" but not "officially divorced" they are still married in the eyes of man's laws, and God's word. If you are romantically involved with a married man or woman, you are an adulterer. Usually a married person who wants to commit adultery says their spouse is "crazy" or they are only married for "the kid's sake." If you date a married person, you are coming under the judgement of God.  

Please read this next scripture OUT LOUD:

Words spoken by Jesus Christ:
You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery.But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.If your right eye serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, pluck it out and throw it away. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be cast into hell (Gehenna).And if your right hand serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your entire body should be cast into hell (Gehenna).  Matthew 5:27-30 AMP

Did you notice Jesus said it was better to pluck out your eye than sin, and that was spoken right after he said whoever LOOKS at a woman (or man) with lust HAS ALREADY committed adultery. If you marry the person you were originally having an affair with, your life will be hard. You will inherit problems that God never caused you to have. Does God forgive? Yes! But you have given up your original destiny and you will suffer the consequences of being married to someone you were never called to marry. If you are in adultery or flirting with the idea, then STOP right now. Ask God to forgive you and get as far away as possible from the situation! 

THEN...spend time reading God's word and praying. Ask HIM to heal you where you hurt. Ask HIM to help you release unforgiveness toward your spouse. I have been married for over 13 years to a wonderful Christian man who prays, attends church, does his best to serve Christ and be a great husband and father. However, both of us still have to rely on God to forgive each other when we offend. Adultery will NEVER be the right answer.

*more scripture references:
Matthew 5:32.  Matthew 19:9. Mark 10: 11,12