Tuesday, February 3, 2015

My Involvement with a MARRIED man!

Proverbs 13:15: Good understanding gives favor: but the way of transgressors is hard.

When I was about 19 years old, I took a job waiting tables at a 50's themed club in Destin, Florida.  I was a TERRIBLE waitress and the job didn't last very long...

But that isn't the moral of this story!

Since the club had a 50's theme along with a cover band that played that era's music, it attracted a senior crowd. A crowd Floridians called "Snowbirds." The night I met Chris, he was at the club with a few of his male friends.  I was their waitress and we flirted since he was young and cute! They didn't feel comfortable in that crowd and wanted to "go out" to bars with a younger crowd. I went with them and invited my roommate Jessica to come with!

On our first date, I asked him a direct question. "Are you married?" And he said "No, I'm only 25 years old!" Then I asked if he had any children. He answered no. (Even though he wasn't wearing a ring, I always asked because married men had tried to date me before.) Satisfied with his response, we dated. But not for long! He and his friends were on a golf trip and were only in Destin for the week. They were headed home for Georgia and we only had a few days together. When he left, we continued to talk on the phone and we made plans for him to come to Destin for Thanksgiving. One night, while partying with some friends after taking a drug called "Ecstasy" I called Chris and asked him to drive down from Georgia immediately. He was drunk when I called and decided coming to see me was indeed a great idea. On his way, his truck hit a tree and he flew out the windshield. Several hours later after I had "come down from my roll" (the ecstasy had worn off) I received a call from his friend Brian. After Brian told me what happened I took the next Grayline bus to Georgia. When I walked into Chris' hospital room, his face was bloated, stitched and bandaged. His bones had broken in multiple places. As I stood holding his hand feeling terrible for what I did, his mom walked into the room and said. "Chris, your wife and child are on their way."

I looked at Chris. "You said you weren't married!" 

He responded. "I don't want to deal with this right now."

His mother asked me. "Is there a hotel I can take you to?

I responded yes and followed her to the car. She had me sit in the back next to a child's car seat and let me know this was Chris' other car. While she was driving I said. "I didn't know he was married!" She responded by saying "Boys will be boys." She went on to tell me that this was his second marriage and they had the baby about a month ago. When she dropped me off at the hotel, she said she would pick me up in the morning to see Chris. I agreed but I knew that wasn't happening!I remember sitting on the bed of that hotel room devastated. I was so hurt and felt incredibly betrayed. Why was it so hard to find someone to love, and who would love me?  I spent the night in the hotel and then took the first bus back to Florida the next morning. When I arrived home, I immediately changed my phone number so Chris could never contact me. I never saw Chris again. Even though I wasn't a Christian yet, I did not date (knowingly) married men. 

My dad cheated on my mom, and it produced horrible repercussions including divorce and a bitter mom who every time she looked at me saw the man who hurt her. And she let me know all through my childhood how much I looked like my adulterous dad and how much she hated him. She would also look at me and tell me when I was a small child how much she hated me because my dad never paid child support after he ran off. Adultery damages your marriage, your children and those around you. It is selfish and self centered. Instead of relying on God and taking your pain to Him, you destroy your life.

Those who date a married person, no matter what the reason, are considered just as guilty. Here's what the bible says about getting involved with a married person:

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

When Abraham lied to the King of Gerer about Sarah being his wife, the King took Sarah into his harem. However, God's judgement came upon the King because Sarah was married. When the King found out Sarah was married, he immediately gave her back to Abraham to escape God's judgement:

Genesis 20:1-10 AMP
Now Abraham journeyed from there toward the South country (the Negeb) and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur; and he lived temporarily in Gerar.And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister. And Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah [into his harem].But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said, Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken [as your own], for she is a man’s wife. But Abimelech had not come near her, so he said, Lord, will you slay a people who are just and innocent?  Did not the man tell me, She is my sister? And she herself said, He is my brother. In integrity of heart and innocency of hands I have done this.Then God said to him in the dream, Yes, I know you did this in the integrity of your heart, for it was I Who kept you back and spared you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not give you occasion to touch her.So now restore to the man his wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not restore her [to him], know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.So Abimelech rose early in the morning and called all his servants and told them all these things; and the men were exceedingly filled with reverence and fear.Then Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, What have you done to us? And how have I offended you that you have brought on me and my kingdom a great sin? You have done to me what ought not to be done [to anyone].And Abimelech said to Abraham, What did you see [in us] that [justified] you in doing such a thing as this?

If you are dating someone who is married, stop. "Officially separated" is still married. If a spouse is "officially separated" but not "officially divorced" they are still married in the eyes of man's laws, and God's word. If you are romantically involved with a married man or woman, you are an adulterer. Usually a married person who wants to commit adultery says their spouse is "crazy" or they are only married for "the kid's sake." If you date a married person, you are coming under the judgement of God.  

Please read this next scripture OUT LOUD:

Words spoken by Jesus Christ:
You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery.But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.If your right eye serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, pluck it out and throw it away. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be cast into hell (Gehenna).And if your right hand serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your entire body should be cast into hell (Gehenna).  Matthew 5:27-30 AMP

Did you notice Jesus said it was better to pluck out your eye than sin, and that was spoken right after he said whoever LOOKS at a woman (or man) with lust HAS ALREADY committed adultery. If you marry the person you were originally having an affair with, your life will be hard. You will inherit problems that God never caused you to have. Does God forgive? Yes! But you have given up your original destiny and you will suffer the consequences of being married to someone you were never called to marry. If you are in adultery or flirting with the idea, then STOP right now. Ask God to forgive you and get as far away as possible from the situation! 

THEN...spend time reading God's word and praying. Ask HIM to heal you where you hurt. Ask HIM to help you release unforgiveness toward your spouse. I have been married for over 13 years to a wonderful Christian man who prays, attends church, does his best to serve Christ and be a great husband and father. However, both of us still have to rely on God to forgive each other when we offend. Adultery will NEVER be the right answer.


*more scripture references:
Matthew 5:32.  Matthew 19:9. Mark 10: 11,12